When Life Feels Heavy: The Art of Compassionate Noticing

You know that feeling when someone tells you to "just think positive" while you're drowning in your to-do list, feeling like you're walking through mud, or running at 100 miles an hour with no off switch? Yeah, me too.

Many of us are living one of two experiences right now: either everything feels heavy and you're dragging yourself through each day, or life is moving so fast you can barely catch your breath. Or maybe, you’re moving between both experiences interchangeably. And in both cases, the usual advice, find gratitude, stay positive, look on the bright side, can feel like being handed a teaspoon when you need a lifeline.

Here's what I've learned: sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes you feel sad, overwhelmed, or pissed off, and that's not a problem to solve immediately. It's an experience to move through with as much compassion as you can muster.

The Problem with Positive Thinking

Don't get me wrong, gratitude and a positive outlook are important. But when you're barely keeping your head above water, being told to focus on the good stuff can feel like another item on an already impossible list. It can also push us to suppress feelings that society has labeled as "negative," when really, they're just human.

The truth is, we judge ourselves more harshly than we'd ever judge anyone else. We criticise ourselves for not showing up perfectly, for being reactive when we're overwhelmed, for reaching for our phones instead of meditation when we're depleted. But what if, instead of adding self-criticism to an already heavy load, we offered ourselves the same compassion we'd give a friend?

Here's where the real work and expansion happens: learning to witness your experience without immediately trying to fix it. Can you notice that you're in a heavy phase without making it mean something's wrong with you? Can you observe your patterns, the doom-scrolling, the snappy responses, the survival-mode choices, with curiosity instead of judgment?

This noticing itself is the practice. It's where growth actually happens. When you can witness your experience almost as if you were looking at someone else, you create space between you and the feeling. You're not the sadness or the overwhelm, you're the one observing it, and that makes all the difference.

Holding Yourself Accountable Without Judgment

There's a delicate balance here that most self-help advice misses: you can acknowledge when your choices aren't serving you without beating yourself up about it. You can say, "I can see that some of the things I'm doing right now aren't in my highest benefit, and I understand why, I'm in survival mode."

The key is recognising the why behind your patterns. When you're "self-sabotaging," you're usually trying to protect yourself or simply survive a difficult period. That's not failure, that's human.

Real-Life Tips for Heavy Times

When life feels like too much, forget the grand gestures and focus on the smallest possible actions:

For the "walking through mud" days:

• Give yourself permission to feel heavy without fixing it immediately

• Ask: "What's the tiniest thing that would feel like care right now?" (Maybe it's just changing your clothes or stepping outside for three breaths)

• Use the phrase "I'm in a heavy phase" to normalise what you're experiencing

For the "100 miles an hour" overwhelm:

• Remember: you can do less badly rather than more perfectly

• Find micro-moments of stillness, even 30 seconds of slower breathing counts

• Notice when you're in survival mode and give yourself credit for getting through

For both:

• Ask "What am I trying to protect myself from right now?" without needing to fix the answer

• Remember that this version of you is doing the best he/she can with what he/she's carrying

• Take the smallest action possible toward care, knowing you don't have to be perfect tomorrow

Everything Is Temporary

Life has ups and downs. We're never up all the time, and we're never down all the time either. The heavy feelings, the overwhelming seasons, the times when you're just not showing up as your best self, they're all temporary experiences, not permanent states.

You don't have to force your way out of difficult feelings. You don't have to perform positivity or pretend everything's fine. You just have to move through it, day by day, step by step, with as much compassion as you can manage.

The Space for Compassion

No matter how much you feel you're struggling or sabotaging yourself, there is always room for compassion. Always. There is always space you can find to nurture yourself, even if it's just for five minutes. There is always a small action you can take to improve your situation, even if it doesn't solve everything.

The world is busy and crazy, and most of us have far too much on our plates. That's not your fault, and it doesn't make you weak for feeling overwhelmed by it. Sometimes life is just hard, even when you live somewhere good, even when you have tools and wisdom and all the right knowledge.

What matters is not judging yourself for being human. What matters is noticing where you are with compassion, taking the smallest steps you can toward care, and trusting that this too will pass.

You're not alone in feeling this way. And you're not doing it wrong.

A gentle affirmation for heavy times:

I see this phase of my life, and I acknowledge that it feels hard right now. I offer myself the same love and compassion I would give to someone I care about. I trust that I am doing the best I can with what I'm carrying, and I give myself permission to move through this experience at my own pace. This feeling is temporary, and I am held.

If this resonates and you'd like to explore gentle ways to support yourself through life's heavier seasons, you can learn more about working with me here.